Mourning the Pickle Guy (Brined Pickles)

This blog will probably go into the “I should do this, but probably won’t” file.  I’d like to argue against that.  You’ll be so happy with the results that you will become a pickling fiend, the kind of person who becomes obsessed with discovering the method to make the best dill, half sour, quarter sour, pickled green tomato, hot pickle…  Some people lose all perspective.  I have.

There was a guy in Philly about 20 years ago who used to come to the back door of the restaurant humping five gallon buckets of salted ambrosia.  He didn’t have a name and charged a premium price for his home made pickles, but we were willing to pay it, because they were perfect, the right amount of crunch and salt that wasn’t up front.  The smell of dill filled the kitchen every time he pried open a bucket.  We never knew why he stopped coming.  Cooks speculated, in the horrible, violent way that cooks do.  His demise was almost certainly bloody.  The more romantic of the brigade knew that a woman was involved.  A faithless woman took away the pickle guy and ended our briny relationship.  We mourned him the way that a junkie cries about losing his pure China White connection.

My buddy Chuck tells me that there is a guy in Manhattan that makes his own pickles in a basement space, a dark place where cukes and tomatoes bob in seasoned brine, waiting to be sold to those brave enough to tumble down those New York stairs.  I plan to visit this pickle man.  And I pray that it is our guy from years back, that he just moved on, rather than having been locked up for a crime that he didn’t commit or been cut down in his pickle prime by a double-dealing, fast-talking tramp.  Because I know that a pickle maker is pure.  They are goodness in a barrel.   

And I will hug him like a brother and buy all the pickles that I can carry.

Go to the store.  Make these now.

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Brined Pickles

Buy 4 lbs. of Kirby cucumbers, about 4 inches long.  Prick the pickles about 4 times all over with a fork.  Soak for 3 hours in cold water to hydrate them completely.

Boil up a gallon of water.  Scald the Kirbys by plunging them in the boiling water for 3 minutes.  Remove from the water, pack them hot in your pickling jar with seasonings. 

·         3 cloves of garlic, bruised

·         2 dill seed heads, with stems or 2 tbs. dried dill

·         4 small hot chilies

·         a pinch of cumin seed, fenugreek, turmeric, coriander seed, bay leaf

·         a thumb of fresh horseradish

·         a pinch of mustard seeds

·         3 tbs. brown sugar

Your choice, play around.

Make a brine of 6 cups water and 3 tbs. kosher salt.  Bring the brine to a boil, simmer for 5 minutes.  Do not add seasonings to the brine at this time, it will take on a flat, bitter character.

Allow the brine to cool slightly, about 10 minutes, pour it over the scalded Kirbys.  Weight down the Kirbys with a plate so that they stay submerged.  Cover the jar with cheesecloth.  Leave it on the counter at room temperature.

You can start eating them after only 2 days.  The pickles at that time will have a refreshing, salty taste and be very crisp.  Let to go longer, 7 to 10 days, they will develop into the briny, aromatic pickles we know.  Much of their development depends on the ambient temperature.  They’ll ferment quicker in hot weather.  When they have reached the desired crunchiness, put them in the refrigerator to stop the fermentation.

You can try this with jalapeños, but that is a different story.